Day 6: laundry list of thoughts

I said I'd publish something each day. I'm writing as I fold laundry on my bed using my phone. Ughhhhhhhhhhh... Which brings me to the quote I've had on my mind:

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing." Abraham Lincoln

I have two competing short term resolutions for this evening: to get the loads of laundry folded and put away before my husband gets home so he can flop down in our bed, and to get today's post written.

News flash: he's home early.
News flash two: laundry completed!

Now back to writing...

I am an expert excuse maker. I was a bright kids and many things came easily to me. I was lauded and I loved it. Impressing and pleasing people in the hopes they would like me was critically important to me.  And I could not tolerate the embraced of failure, of putting in hard work and coming up short.  I was very good at just not trying at all if I thought I would fail.  I considered myself a perfectionist, prided myself on it! I have since learned that perfectionism is anything but perfect, is actually fear-based inaction.  Funny how I convinced myself that failing to act at all was somehow nobler than try, try, trying again.

A couple things come to mind:
Jesus carrying his Cross and falling and getting back up repeatedly

Perfect love casts out fear

Fear of damaging my pride and vanity were stopping me from acting on good things. 

Today's first reading from Mass says:


Sin must not reign over your mortal bodies
so that you obey their desires.  

Wow.

So many thoughts on determination and how we persevere, thoughts on self-discipline and motivation, thoughts on grace, thoughts on gifts, thoughts on virtue. How much is God's role and how much is mine? Can you be a little soul and also magnanimous?.

This is going to have to be a two-parter because

News flash #3: I found another load of laundry, and
News flash #4: I just remembered a coffee date I have to leave for in ten minutes. Ulp!!

Okay, last thought, and I'll delve into tying this altogether tomorrow: my priest often says: "grace builds on nature"... I will leave it there!

PS be sure to subscribe by email if you want to read the second half of this post...I promise, where I'm going with this is gonna be good!